I`d love to but..

I'D LOVE TO BUT...

... I changed the lock on my door and now I can't get out.
... I feel a song coming on.
... I have to be on the next train to Bermuda.
... I have to bleach my hare.
... I have too much guilt.
... I just picked up a book called "Glue in Many Lands" and I'm stuck on it...
... I never go out on days that end in "Y."
... I promised to help a friend re-fold road maps.
... I'm attending a perfume convention as guest sniffer.
... I'm having all my plants neutered.
... I'm making a home movie called "The Thing That Grew in My Refrigerator."
... I'm too old for that stuff.
... I'm too young for that stuff.
... I'm touring China with a wok band.
... I'm trying desperately to be less popular.
... I'm uncomfortable when I'm alone or with others.
... I'm waiting to see if I'm already a winner.
... My bathroom tiles need grouting.
... My chocolate-appreciation class meets that night.
... My mother would never let me hear the end of it.
... My yucca plant is feeling yucky.

http://jokes.federal.ro/joke/1790.htm

Columbus Day always reminds ...

Columbus Day always reminds me of the brave exploration party Columbus assembled in 1492, with all four ships sailing off into the unknown. You remember the names of his four ships: The Nina, the Pinta, the Santa Maria and the Clyde. You don't hear too much about the Clyde anymore, since that's the one that sailed over the edge.

http://www.jokes-db.com/jokes/occasions-jokes

Answering the phone...

Answering the phone, the priest was surprised to hear the caller introduce herself as an IRS auditor.
"But we do not pay taxes,� the priest said. "It isn`t you, Father, it`s one of your parishioner, Sean McCullough. He indicates on his tax return that he gave a donation of
$15,000 to the church last year. Is this, in fact, the truth?�
The priest smiled broadly. "The check hasn`t arrived yet, but I`m sure I`ll have it when I remind dear Sean.

http://www.jokes-db.com/jokes/occasions-jokes